i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
