His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
