You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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