so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
