Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
