she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
