could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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