i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize