I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
