so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
