You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
