i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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