do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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