Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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