Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
