Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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