Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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