i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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