I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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