i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
NoShamevember. You game?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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