So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
