Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
