im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
