I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
