Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
