I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize