The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
