Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize