and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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