So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
