True but thats because hes a fetus.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
