We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
