I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She has the best kind of daddy issues
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
