I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
