I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
