You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
