so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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