If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
