she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
