I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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