The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My pussy is not your playground.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
