mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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