Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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