He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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