Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
