he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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