he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
