I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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