there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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