Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize