I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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