Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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