laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My breasts were aching with rage.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
