addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
