arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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