how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
