winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
