final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
