My first STD was from a foam party
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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