Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
