Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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