I can feel you judging me through the phone.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
