420 ftw
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
