And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize