And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
