I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
