remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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