i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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