I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
