This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
