I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
