I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
