I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
