Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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