My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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