Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
