I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
