Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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