Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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