oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
and she was petting her beer can
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
