She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
