It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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