yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
