my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
