how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
