So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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