I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
