Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
