it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
