I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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