Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
