And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
