ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the day after is always just damage control
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
