Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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