My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
