He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
