plz talk dirty to me
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize