I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
