You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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