Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
