bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm just crazy horny about you
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
