You can't motorboat a personality
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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